


The Two-Part Adventures of One Oblivious Ryuji

by irlenolacroix



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Crushes, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Jealousy, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Miscommunication, Repression, So basically, also this is my first p5 fic. please be patient with me, canon inconsistent, canon is but the reference from which i paint MY masterpiece, mostly because i care more abt the characters than the specifics of the story, not necessarily canon divergent but
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25662187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlenolacroix/pseuds/irlenolacroix
Summary: Ryuji didn’t like seeing Ann and Yusuke hang out together.It was stupid. He knew it was stupid. That’s why he didn’t tell anyone about it, at least not up front, because he didn’t want to hear “Ryuji, that’s stupid” when he already knew it was stupid. Ann and Yusuke were friends with each other, just like he was friends with them, so of course they were going to hang out. He had no reason to feel that weird pit in his stomach when they smiled at each other, or when they shared a joke, or when Ann playfully bumped Yusuke with her elbow while teasing him about something or other. It was stupid, it was so stupid.But he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Relationships: Kitagawa Yusuke & Takamaki Ann, Kitagawa Yusuke/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira & Sakamoto Ryuji, Sakamoto Ryuji & Takamaki Ann
Comments: 12
Kudos: 44





	The Two-Part Adventures of One Oblivious Ryuji

Ryuji didn’t like seeing Ann and Yusuke hang out together.

It was stupid. He knew it was stupid. That’s why he didn’t tell anyone about it, at least not up front, because he didn’t want to hear “Ryuji, that’s stupid” when he already  _ knew _ it was stupid. Ann and Yusuke were friends with each other, just like he was friends with them, so of course they were going to hang out. He had no reason to feel that weird pit in his stomach when they smiled at each other, or when they shared a joke, or when Ann playfully bumped Yusuke with her elbow while teasing him about something or other. It was stupid, it was so stupid.

But he  _ couldn’t stop thinking _ about it.

He had bigger concerns, for sure. Literal life-and-death bigger concerns. Phantom Thieves stuff came before weird friendship feelings, he told himself. He could think about his Ann-and-Yusuke frustrations when he wasn’t trying to steal hearts and save the world. Despite that, though, he somehow had more down time now as a Phantom Thief to run his mind over meaningless unnameable emotions than he’d ever had when he was an athlete. Go fucking figure.

Usually, Ryuji could be chill about it when they were all together. Sometimes he’d make an offhanded bitchy comment, but it was never on purpose. Well… okay, sometimes it was  _ kind of _ on purpose, but he wasn’t doing it to be a dick! He just got so irritated when they were hanging around each other what felt like all the goddamn time. He’d find himself looking at Yusuke across the table when they all met up to talk about palaces and calling cards and important Phantom Thieves stuff, watching him and Ann discuss things, and he wouldn’t realize that someone had asked him a question until Morgana swatted at his arm. (It was  _ always _ Morgana swatting at his arm.) He’d shake it off and answer, ignoring that everyone definitely thought he was a total moron for spacing out during meetings all the time. How the hell was he supposed to stay focused when they were right there, making his chest and stomach feel all weird and sick whenever they looked at each other?!

It was even worse when they  _ weren’t _ doing Phantom Thieves stuff. Once when he was out with Yusuke, Ann and Akira to play darts, Yusuke and Ann high-fived and Ryuji felt like he was going to explode, or melt, or some shit like that. He’d excused himself to the bathroom to stew in frustration and confusion for a bit and didn’t come back until Yusuke (of  _ course _ it was fucking Yusuke) came to make sure he was okay. He brushed it off, said something about being sick (which was only kind of a lie) and tried his best not to shrink under Yusuke’s gaze, nor move away from the hand Yusuke placed on Ryuji’s arm when he asked again if he was okay.

Of course he wasn’t okay! But he said he was, if only to get Yusuke to stop looking at him like…  _ that. _ It was just making the weird feeling worse.

...He should probably talk to someone about it.

“Something on your mind?”

Ryuji’s head snapped up from where he’d been staring at the table. “Hmm? What?”

Akira was peering over his glasses at Ryuji. His eyebrows were raised slightly, almost like he was amused. “You’re doing it again. Spacing out. I asked if something was on your mind.”

Ryuji had to take a moment to come back to his surroundings. They were having coffee. At least Akira was. Ryuji had soda in front of him, but he wasn’t sure if he’d actually drank any of it. They were at Leblanc. It wasn’t crowded, which was nice, but the quiet atmosphere also made it that much easier for Ryuji’s thoughts to wander back to Ann and Yusuke.

“Uhh…” he said, trying to come up with a decent excuse. “Just thinking about… stuff. You know.”

“I don’t know,” Akira replied.

“I mean…!” Ryuji tapped his knuckles on the table, taking in a deep breath which was immediately blown out as a sigh. “Just… Stuff.”

“You’re being very vague.”

Ryuji swallowed and rapped his knuckles against the table once more, making a louder sound than he’d anticipated. “Hmph…” He looked around the room, almost like he was scanning for people they knew, even though he knew it was just them. “Where’s Morgana?”

“Taking a nap upstairs.” Akira tilted his head. “Why?”

Ryuji’s hand slowed its tapping. He pressed both palms flat on the table and looked back and forth once more.  _ Don’t tense up so much, dammit, it’s not a big deal! _ “Can you… keep a secret, man?”

Akira showed only the slightest hint of curiosity, blinking once, then smiling almost imperceptibly. “That depends. What’s the secret?”

Ryuji clenched his jaw. “Don’t screw with me, this is serious!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Akira took a sip of his quickly-cooling coffee. “You can trust me.”

“Thanks.” A moment of silence passed between them as Ryuji tried to figure out the best way to phrase his feelings, at least in a way that wouldn’t seem totally dumb. “I’ve got… a problem. With, ah, with Yusuke. And Ann. A problem with Yusuke and Ann.”

Akira gazed silently at Ryuji, then nodded slightly, urging him to continue. Ryuji fidgeted uncomfortably at the silent provocation, but he’d gotten used to that from Akira by now, so he relented and kept talking.

“It’s… I don’t know how to, like, really describe it? I just get… I dunno. Sick ain’t the right word, but I feel not-right when I see them hangin’ out. Like, my stomach sinks, kind of, and I wanna look away but I can’t do it, can’t make myself. And then that time when we were all hanging out and Yusuke had to come and check on me, the feeling just came back, but worse, somehow…” He gritted his teeth and looked down at the table. “And I know you’re probably thinkin’ about how dumb that sounds, but nobody knows it’s dumb more than I do! I  _ know _ ! And I don’t get it, ‘cause clearly there’s something going on or something I’m mad about but it just…” He trailed off, only then realizing that his hands were once more balled up into fists. “I dunno. You’re, like… intuitive and shit, more than I am, at least.”

A moment of silence, then a soft hum. “Are you asking for my help?”

Ryuji shrugged, looking up from the table and turning his gaze toward the wall off to his left. “I mean… I guess? If you’ve got any? I dunno, man, I’m really just talkin’ here--”

“It sounds like someone’s jealous.”

Ryuji’s head turned to face Akira so quickly that his neck almost cracked. “The hell do you mean, it sounds like I’m jealous? Jealous of, of what? Of  _ Yusuke _ ?”

“Well--”

“Wait.” Ryuji held a hand up, cutting Akira off. “I gotta think about this.”

“...Okay…?”

Ryuji looked off into the middle distance, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular while he tried to decipher Akira’s suggestion. For starters, he realized with dismay, the feelings all checked out. Frustration, annoyance, mild resentment, all smashed together with the fact that he couldn’t ignore it or brush it off… Plus, there was the fact that he thought about Yusuke a  _ lot _ when he wasn’t around. Guys think a lot about the dudes they’re jealous of, that’s just a fact. And then there was the reality of how, for lack of a better word,  _ pretty _ Yusuke was. He was so pretty that sometimes Ryuji found himself totally drawn in by the curve of his lower lash line all on its own. Yeah, the guy was a total weirdo, but he certainly had plenty for Ryuji to be jealous of, even if he hated to admit it. And then there was Ann, and how Ryuji had always thought she was beautiful and how he felt so relaxed when they’d spend time together, unlike the jumble of nerves he was when he was talking to Yusuke…

“Are you still thinking, or have I lost you again?”

Ryuji’s eyes regained their ability to focus on solid objects and used that ability to look at Akira. “Dude…” Ryuji said, “I think I’ve got it.”

Akira blinked. “That fast?”

“Yeah, man!” Ryuji sat back, stretching his arms above his head before resting them back on the table. “You were totally helpful. I know what’s goin’ on now, I think.”

Akira let out a soft hum that may have been a noise of surprise. “Well…” He smiled a bit and lifted his cup again. “I’m glad you’re accepting it pretty quickly--”

“I totally have a crush on Ann.”

The cup faltered in Akira’s hands to the point of nearly slipping free from them. This action was accompanied by a quick cough as Akira tried to regain his composure. “Uh… Ryuji, that’s--”

“Nah, dude, it makes total sense!” Ryuji didn’t even realize he was cutting Akira off. “Thanks so much. You’ve given me some stuff to think about.”  _ Like how I’m gonna tell her… _ “And this is all between us for now, yeah?”

Akira sat quietly for a moment, like he was mentally scrolling through a list of dialogue options, searching for whichever one would get the best reaction. “...Yeah, it is,” he finally said. “I… hope you find time to think about it as much as you need to.”

“Already concocting a plan,” Ryuji said, beaming. “Thanks for the advice, bro!”

Akira looked like he was about to say something else, but he closed his mouth before any words could come out and just offered a nod. “Mm-hmm.”

Ryuji was too distracted by swirling thoughts that he assumed were realizations to notice that Akira looked like he knew something Ryuji didn’t. He was hardly paying attention to Akira’s expression at all, to the way his gaze was trained on Ryuji, the tired resignation in his eyes, the sheer exasperation. Why would he be noticing that? He’d finally fuckin’ figured it out!

Ryuji took a celebratory sip of his soda. This ended as soon as he gagged upon swallowing. “...Shit,” he muttered, his momentary elation already deflated. “My drink got watered down.”

Akira let out a soft hint of a laugh. “That’s what you get for letting it sit while you stare into space.”

“Man, shut up.”

***

The next couple of weeks were spent wondering, planning, fantasizing, and absolutely freaking out over the fact that Ryuji was eventually going to have to talk to Ann and sort this out. It didn’t help that the weird feeling came back whenever she and Yusuke so much as made eye contact. Except the weird feeling had a name now. Jealousy. Jealousy of Yusuke.

Of stupid, gorgeous, charming, soft-spoken, breathtaking, perfect Yusuke.

Ryuji started trying to sit with Ann at meetings. She made him feel safe. She didn’t seem to mind, either; their conversations were amicable as ever, with only the friendliest of teasing and eye-rolls. Ryuji was surprised that he didn’t really feel different around her. It just felt like the usual friendship they had, albeit a bit more awkward now for Ryuji considering his newfound theory on his emotions.

He… almost didn’t want her to know. Didn’t want anything to change. Didn’t want the pressure that came with having a girlfriend.

But the weird feeling that came whenever he looked at Yusuke wasn’t going to go away without it. He didn’t want to feel jealous any more. It fucking  _ sucked. _

He was gonna tell Ann tonight. It had been two weeks since the realization, and he was going to tell her! He’d made up his mind! It had to be tonight. She’d agreed to hang out later, and he was going to tell her everything. She deserved to know, even if he felt iffy about it.

But first, he was hanging with her, Morgana, and Akira.

Akira had invited them both out that evening. He’d said it had been a while since they’d all hung out without doing any Phantom Thieves stuff. Ryuji guessed he was right, but the idea was kind of contradicted by the fact that only a few of them would be there anyways. According to Akira, Makoto and Haru had a date planned, Futaba was spending some time with Sojiro, and Yusuke was ambiguously “busy”. When Ryuji had asked how he was “busy”, Akira had responded with some vague answer about art and not knowing what exactly was up. Ryuji didn’t press. Wondering just made his stomach all queasy again.

He got to Kichijoji with relatively low anxiety levels and made his way toward the club, his eyes trained on the sidewalk, still damp from yesterday’s rain. Darts  _ again _ was fine, he guessed. At least Akira really seemed to like it; he said it helped them in the palaces. Ryuji couldn’t really understand what he meant, but okay, whatever, he was probably right, he was the leader for a reason. Was probably helping them build a skill or something, Ryuji thought to himself as he turned a corner. Besides, it wasn’t like it was  _ too _ boring, just a bit--

“I would advise you to look up before you run into the door.”

Ryuji did run into the door. It wasn’t because he wasn’t looking up, though, but rather because the voice surprised him so much that he slipped on the pavement and skittered sideways in an attempt to stay on his feet. This led to him crashing shoulder-first into the door to the club where he was supposed to meet Ann and Akira.

As the source of the voice approached him, seemingly in slow motion, Ryuji couldn’t help but make a mental list of the pros and cons of the accidental shoulder-slam he’d just completed.

Pros: The door kept him from falling onto the ground and busting his ass, which would have been about ten times more embarrassing. Pretty sweet save, all things considered.

Cons: He now had a fucked-up right shoulder that was  _ definitely _ going to bruise like hell later, if it wasn’t already. And on top of that, Yusuke Kitagawa was right in front of him, his hand extending to touch said fucked-up shoulder so lightly that Ryuji could scarcely feel him over the pain.

Oh, yeah. There was pain. 

Reality crashed back in like a tsunami and Ryuji sucked in air through his teeth, trying not to stumble backward as he suddenly felt the full impact of his misstep. It wasn’t the worst pain he’d ever had, not by a long shot (half an hour in the Metaverse hurt  _ way _ worse than this, not to mention his initial leg injury), but it was damn noticeable. 

“Shit!” Ryuji hissed, his left hand darting up to instinctively grab the spot he’d hit. In doing so, though, his hand met Yusuke’s a little too hard, smacking it on its way to the point of impact. Yusuke pulled his hand back quickly. Ryuji did the same, and after a few more seconds of disorientation, he found a wall to lean against, thunking his head back, catching his breath through the shock. “Man, you scared the hell outta me!”

Yusuke cleared his throat, putting the hand he’d extended back into his pocket. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just wanted to warn you. You have an awful habit of walking with your head down, you’re liable to get yourself hurt.”

“Still…” Ryuji mumbled, trying desperately to ignore the repetitive screaming of  _ oh fuck oh shit why is he here, Akira said he wouldn’t be here, what the hell is going on! _ that was looping through his head. “Jeez, it couldn’t have even been a ‘push’ door and opened a little when I hit it, huh…”

Yusuke let out a soft “hm!” that might have been a laugh. “Well, then you’d have been hit in the head when it swung back at you. So perhaps it’s better that it wasn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Ryuji wasn’t looking at Yusuke, but he could almost feel his gentle smile fade. “Are you okay?” Yusuke asked softly.

Ryuji swallowed and pushed himself forward so he wasn’t leaning against the wall any more. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, his voice just as quiet as Yusuke’s. “Um… Didn’t mean to slap your hand earlier. Was just movin’ quick, and…” He fell back against the wall, trying to make it seem casual and not like a product of shaky legs. “Weren’t you, ah… weren’t you gonna be busy today? Some art thing?”

Yusuke hesitated, almost like he was about to ask Ryuji more questions, but he sighed quietly through his nose and shook his head. “Nothing important,” he said. “Nothing that couldn’t be postponed, if only for the sake of bringing the group up to an even number.”

Ryuji looked up at Yusuke’s face for the first time since he’d gotten there and tried his best not to look too hard at the slight upward curve of his lips. “...Gotcha,” he said.  _ He’s got a nice smile… I’ll have to work on mine. _ “Uh… Do you think they’re here yet?”

Yusuke shook his head. “We’re early.” He looked out into the crowded street, scanning for familiar faces. Ryuji was struck by his height, which was really something he should have gotten used to by now, but  _ god damn Yusuke is tall. _ “Do you think we ought to wait inside?”

Ryuji tapped his knuckles against the wall before thrusting his hands into his pockets. “I mean, I’m fine to wait out here.”  _ Why did I say that? _

Yusuke smiled almost imperceptibly. “That works for me,” he said, turning back to Ryuji. “This way they’ll know we already made it. And besides… It is a lovely day.”

“...Yeah.”

Ryuji needed Yusuke to stop looking at him with those soft, pretty eyes. It was going to drive him fucking insane.

Yusuke didn’t say anything else. He did, however, come to stand beside Ryuji, leaning against the wall just to his right. He closed his eyes, feeling the sun on his face, and took in a deep, slow breath. That tiny smile was still there. He looked relaxed, more so than Ryuji had probably ever seen him. Calm. Content.

Ryuji couldn’t stop staring.

_ Why does jealousy make my hands shake so damn bad? _

Ann and Akira needed to hurry the hell up.

After about ten minutes of sheer anxiety and stiffness and  _ don’t look at him don’t look at him why do you want to look at him so badly just stop looking _ , Ann and Akira finally arrived. Ann in particular was full of apologies for running late, explaining that the subway had been running a bit slow and that they’d briefly run into Kasumi on the way and stopped to talk to her. Despite Ryuji’s tension at having been left alone with Yusuke so long, he knew he didn’t have a good reason to be upset. If anything, he was just relieved that they could have something to do now, something to distract him.

During the game, Ryuji missed almost every shot. He was too focused on what a great team Yusuke and Ann made to even snap back at Morgana for teasing him about his shaky hands.

Eventually the game was over, and of course Yusuke and Ann won by a long shot. Ryuji couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed by it beyond a shrug and a muttered “damn”. He was way too nervous for what was coming next.

“Well. Good game,” Akira said when it was over. “Are you all free to come back to Leblanc for a bit?”

Ann piped up before Ryuji could say anything. “Oh, Ryuji and I had something to go do, but you guys have fun!” She beamed and gave Morgana a little scratch behind the ears, prompting a purr. “Are you ready to go, Ryuji?”

“Uh…” Ryuji had been looking at the dartboard, just past Yusuke’s shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, I’m ready.” Hesitation. “It was good to see you guys.”

“You see us almost every day,” Morgana said, his tail flicking to one side.

Ryuji bristled. “Well, it was still nice!” He scowled, but tried to pull it back before leaving. Didn’t want everyone to see his nerves, after all. “Well… Bye. I’ll, um, we’ll see you guys later.”

Yusuke was looking at him. Ryuji couldn’t see him, but he could  _ feel _ him, and that was even worse. The feeling made him duck his head and turn away just as Yusuke said “I’ll see you two on Monday, then,” in that quiet, even voice of his.

“Have fun,” Akira said. He was looking at Ryuji too.

Ann, seeming to sense some of the energy, took Ryuji’s wrist and gave it a gentle pull. “C’mon, let’s get out of here,” she said. Ryuji followed her without complaint. He didn’t bump into the door on his way out.

Ryuji barely remembered walking up to the top of the parking deck. They’d been here before, used to hang out here sometimes when the Phantom Thieves were barely in formation. It was nice. Akira had been up here with them too, but it always kind of felt like Ann and Ryuji’s spot. Ryuji couldn’t remember walking up the steps today, though. They’d definitely done it, because now they were here, sitting with their backs to the edge, and Ann was talking animatedly about something that Ryuji couldn’t focus on. Damn, was he really that nervous? Was this really bothering him that much?

“Hey, listen to me.”

Ryuji was brought back to the real world via a bump to his arm from Ann’s shoulder. He shifted, trying not to seem like he’d just been completely spaced out, and looked at her. “I’m listenin’.”

Ann raised her eyebrows. “You definitely aren’t, but I’m going to pretend that you are so I don’t have to repeat anything.” She leaned her head back against the concrete barrier separating the parking deck and the drop down into the city, staring up into the darkening sky. “Just… It wasn’t important. Talking about school stuff, of all things to be talking about right now…” She let out a quiet laugh. “Funny how we still think things like that are important when we’ve been through so much at this point.”

Ryuji wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just nodded. “Yeah, I get it,” he said quietly. “Too much goin’ on to worry about, like, little stuff…”  _ Which is exactly what I’m doing. Ha. _

“Yeah.” Ann was quiet for a moment. “...Why’d you ask me to come up here?”

Ryuji swallowed. “I mean… To hang out, I guess.”

Ann rolled her eyes. “I mean, yeah, clearly. But you don’t just… Ryuji, we don’t just hang out. You’re my friend and all, but you don’t just ask me to come up here for no reason.” She looked at him, eyebrows raised. “What is it?”

Ryuji needed to figure out how the hell he was gonna say this.  _ Should’ve made a plan, dumbass! _ “Uh… It’s nothin’, really. We can just hang out. Not a big deal.”

“Well, clearly it was a big enough deal to get us up here.” Ann laughed a little bit. “You’ve been acting weird all night. There’s something up. I just wanna know what it is.”

Fuck.

...He had to tell her. That was what he came here for.

Ryuji’s mouth was so dry that he was scared his tongue would crack upon opening his mouth.  _ This is it. This is it. Just say it, man, out with it already, get this shit over with! _

“Helloooo?” Ann bumped Ryuji with her elbow. “Everything okay in there? You seem--”

“I think I have a crush on you.”

Ann went quiet. Her gaze lowered for a moment before rising with a blink and a sigh as she turned her head slightly, and not in the way that would indicate a ‘me too’.

_...Well, I fucked that one. _

“I…” Ann sighed. “God, um, Ryuji, how do I say this…”

“I mean!” Ryuji knew he shouldn’t have interrupted, but he couldn’t keep his mouth from shooting off. “I wanted to… Well, you know, get it over with, because…”

“Listen--”

“I just wanted to make sure we were on the, like, the same page, you know!” Ryuji scrambled for words, anything to dissolve the awkwardness that had arisen between himself and Ann. “So we could, like, talk about it and see what we should do, and--”

“ _ Ryuji _ .” Ann’s voice was more forceful than Ryuji had ever heard from her before. “I’m a  _ lesbian _ .”

And with that, everything froze at once.

“...What?”

“I’m a lesbian. I like girls.” Ann’s head fell back and she closed her eyes with a long sigh. “God, I’m sorry, I thought you knew already… Did I forget to tell you about…?”

Ryuji sat there, his brain processing the information at the speed of a dial-up computer. Once it clicked, though, it clicked, and his eyes widened as a lot of things very suddenly became clear. “Oh my God.”

“I swear I thought I told you--”

“Shiho.” Ryuji looked over at Ann. “Right?”

Ann’s head turned quickly back to face Ryuji. She looked at him for a moment, then lowered her gaze to the ground in front of her, clicking her tongue before speaking. “Yep.”

Even Ryuji could tell that her face was redder now.

Ann shifted, scooting out a little further so that more of her upper back touched the concrete barrier than before. “I’m sorry.”

“No!” Ryuji spoke so quickly that it surprised even him. “I mean… No. It’s okay. I’m…” He trailed off as he surveyed his feelings, soon finding himself so lost in trying to figure them out that he couldn’t finish his sentence.

Eventually, though, Ann nudged him with her hand. “You’re…?”

Ryuji cleared his throat, though it didn’t do much to solve the whole feelings-confusion problem. “I’m not upset. Like… at all.”

“Oh.” Ann leaned her head back against the barrier and smiled a bit. “Well, hey, that’s good! Thanks for taking it so well, I guess!”

“Uh… yeah.” That wasn’t all there was to it, was there?  _ God, what the hell… _

Whatever was going on inside of Ryuji, Ann seemed to sense it. She sighed and adjusted herself so she was sitting on one hip, angled toward Ryuji. “Hey, can you stop spacing out for two minutes?” She shoved him gently. “What’s wrong?”

Ryuji shoved back in an attempt at playfulness, but the smile didn’t come. “Ehh, nothing. Guess I’m just confused now.”

“What, you’re confused because you’re taking me being a lesbian so well?”

Ryuji shrugged. “I mean… Yeah?”

Ann almost laughed. The beginning of one came out, but the look Ryuji gave her made her stop. “Sorry,” she said. “Hmm… Well, how  _ are _ you feeling, I guess?”

“I don’t know!” Ryuji crossed his arms and thunked his head against the barrier, looking up at the night sky. “I guess I’m kinda… relieved?”

“Huh.”

“Yeah. And, I mean… I kinda know why?” Ryuji tapped his foot rapidly on the concrete, not even aware that he was doing it. “I don’t want, like… I don’t want our friendship to change. I’m really chill with you and me how we are, y’know? And I didn’t even really… I mean, no offense, but I don’t want you to be my girlfriend or anything.” Even saying the word ‘girlfriend’ in reference to Ann felt weird. “So, like, I’m relieved, because now nothing has to change. To be real, I wouldn’t’ve told you, but I felt like I kinda had to so I could stop feeling shitty about it.”

When Ryuji lowered his head and looked back at Ann, her brow was furrowed and her eyes were trained on his face, like he’d been speaking another language. “...Okay.”

Ryuji shrank away from Ann’s gaze. “Um… Why the hell are you lookin’ at me like that?”

“Ryuji, are you sure you have a crush on me?”

Ryuji blinked a few times. “...Yeah…? I think so? I mean, it makes sense.”

“What makes you think that?”

_ Fuckin’ weird… _ “Well, I mean… I feel weird and sick whenever I see you hangin’ out with Yusuke, and that shit sucks because, like, y’all are friends, so of course you’re gonna hang out. So I told Akira about it, he said it sounded like I was jealous, and it made sense.” Ryuji shrugged once more, his fingers hooking and unhooking from one another, fidgeting. “I mean, Yusuke’s a weirdo, but he’s got a lot to be jealous of.” Ryuji looked away from Ann, his gaze wandering to his hands. “I mean, he’s talented, he’s nice, he’s got pretty eyes and his smile is really nice, too, you’ve seen it. And he’s really smart, too, way smarter than I am, and--”

“Are you sure you’re jealous of Yusuke?”

Ryuji’s gaze snapped up to meet Ann’s. “What?”

Ann’s eyes were softer now, but still trained on Ryuji. “I want you to think really hard about this for a second. Listen to me.”

“...Okay?”

Ann reached out and put a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “You’re relieved that I can’t like you back because I’m a lesbian. You feel weird when you see me with Yusuke, but you don’t want me to be your girlfriend. You know you’re jealous, and you know that you think Yusuke is pretty awesome, even if you don’t say it to his face.”

Ryuji wanted to try and squirm free of Ann’s hand, but something was holding him in place. He felt like his veins had been filled with the same concrete they were sitting on. “Y… Yeah.”

Ann offered Ryuji half a smile. She let go of his shoulder and sat back, her eyes still on him, wrapping her arms around her knees to pull them up to her chest. “Who do you think you’re really jealous of, Ryuji?”

Ryuji stared long and hard at his friend. Gears were turning and information was passing through them, but so far nothing was connecting.

He wasn’t upset about Ann, no. And yeah, he was pretty relieved that she wasn’t going to be his girlfriend. But he was definitely jealous! He knew that much! He thought too much about Yusuke not to be jealous of him, he thought too much about that damn hair and those damn eyes and that damn smile. He would stare at Yusuke’s back whenever he sat behind him and think about that face and silently will Yusuke to turn around, to give Ryuji a better look to remember when he had his back turned once more. Guys think a lot about the people they’re jealous of. It’s just what happens. Guys think a lot about the people they’re jealous of, guys think a lot about the people they…!

… 

One of the gears clicked into place.

It must have shown on Ryuji’s face, because Ann reached out to pat his arm. “ _ There  _ you go,” she murmured, but her voice was so muffled by a vast ocean of realization that Ryuji could hardly hear her.

Just like that, the fog cleared. Just like that, it all made sense.

...Oh.

Oh,  _ no _ .

**Author's Note:**

> this was a request from my boyfriend, but also... something i REALLY wanted to write. hello, i have p5 brain worms and they come in the form of ryukita.
> 
> like i stated in the tags, this is more canon-inconsistent than truly canon-divergent. ideally it would take place around the time that third semester starts in royal? but considering i haven't finished royal i have no clue how consistent with canon this could feasibly be. oh well. canon is but a reference and i am the painter who manipulates it into whatever the hell i want for my masterpiece. this is an increasingly convoluted series of setups to get ryuji to realize his repressed feelings, and im valid for it
> 
> anyways. chapter two... eventually? soon-ish? before the end of august. i can promise that much.  
> (EDIT: it's october now. chapter two will be out Eventually. no promises as to when. it is in the works i swear)
> 
> my tumblr is winemomparker if you're interested in requests or just wanna chat! comments and kudos are much appreciated! thank you all so much <3


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